How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
