that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
