We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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