what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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