So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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