I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize