I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
