yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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