Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
