happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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