either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
