She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
