i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
