just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
