grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
