Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
