I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
