i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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