So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
