im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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