So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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