I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
