I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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