you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
