My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
