Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
