Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
