weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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