next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
