I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
