Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
