Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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