If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
