He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
