is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
50% drunk capacity currently
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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