nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
