Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
