I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
