HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
