My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
