This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
