the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
