Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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