wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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