two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
this hospital has no fireball
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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