My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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