Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
