Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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