And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
