i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
