Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
