I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
where am i from again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
