It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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