Who did Billy Mays play for?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
