a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
