You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
