It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
