My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize