I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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