if i can run in heels then i can drive
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Found the puke drawer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
