I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
