That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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