I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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