I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
