So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
