Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
