He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
