so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
