im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
