I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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