If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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