sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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