What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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