Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will be naked everywhere
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
