He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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