Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
